Bittersweet

Well life has really been a journey this last year. This time last year I was dealing with divorce, trying to find myself, and trying to figure out how to get back to being me. Around this time last year I was moving into my apartment, and semi-flirting with the guy miles away at a call center on the other end of the phone who was helping me set up my internet. I was so proud that I remembered how to flirt; I posted it on Facebook.

Then came a barbecue in June that I went to with one of my St. Louis besties, and wound up flirting with one of my guy friends which turned into a relationship.

Sadly, this year I’ve come full circle.

This last year has been a trial of sorts. I’ve had to deal with saying goodbye to a life I knew in St. Louis for almost six years, say good-bye to some really awesome friends, and say hello to a new job at a law firm in the Ozarks. Unfortunately a week and a half into the job, I realized it wasn’t cracked up to what it was meant to be and started looking elsewhere. That is when I found a job that is a dream for anyone who is wanting to make the world more eco-friendly one step at a time, and remained friends with my former bosses at the law firm. Then, unfortunately about three weeks later, my family lost my Grandfather, and a month later I lost one of my best friends to a stroke who helped me through my divorce last year and helped to pick me up off the ground after I hit my version of rock bottom.

Now, I’ve had to say good-bye to the boyfriend who helped me process all of this. We had our series of ups and downs (as most couples do) and unfortunately, the things life had thrown at me had made things a bit too much. If my ex is reading this, I just want to say thank you for everything. If it weren’t for him I would not have learned how to become stronger, say no to the negatives in my life, how to say no to things that weren’t right for me at this point in time and say yes to myself.

In life people are sent to you for a reason (as the old poem goes) and this is true. It is only when we step into those uncomfortable situations that we grow, and inevitably I believe this is the reason we were put into each other’s lives. As some relationships happen, they eventually deteriorate with an unforseen purpose, and this is when you find out what your mettle is. What you are able to put up with, what are you are able to tolerate and what you respect.

When going through this recent break up with my ex, I remembered an episode of “How I Met Your Mother”. Honestly I don’t get to watch the show often but this one stuck out in my memory. The lead male character Ted finds himself on a blind date with a girl he went out with seven years prior. It wasn’t until the end of the date that he realized why he never called her back all those years ago, much like what happened with my ex and I on our first date when we were teenagers.

Ted explained how he loved finding typos in the dinner menus and how that wasn’t going to change, and how he is going to continually make lame pun-ny jokes. This is when the girl claimed she would still continue talking about her cats and wouldn’t stop. This is when they decide to part ways with Ted saying the words that permanently engraved their way into my brain. (To the fans of the show, I apologize, there is heavy paraphrasing here…) Basically he tells his date it would be better to hold out and wait for the person who kind of likes each other’s idiosyncracies rather than find someone who just “tolerates” them.

No one should just go through life “tolerating” their loved ones.

As you can tell by the blog title, I’m quirky. It’s a main trait. Its nothing to be ashamed of and its something I’m proud of because it comes naturally and its something that most people have to work at. Because it comes naturally and its something that people have literally tried to mentally, verbally and physically beat out of me before, and none of those tactics have worked, I know it’s there permanently. Due to permanent quirkiness, I want a loved one who respects it and doesn’t just deal with it.

As bad as this may sound, this is what I mean when I say people are sent into your life to test your mettle. My ex helped me to accept myself as I am and to be comfortable with that. He helped me see the negatives and know what I will put up with and what I will hold strong against. Unfortunately the downside is us no longer being a couple but we are that much better for having gone through what we did with each other.

Who had a positive affect on your life with an unfortunate ending? Who taught you the most in your life positive or negative?

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13 thoughts on “Bittersweet

  1. Oh my gosh…thanks for writing this post. I’m going to print it out and read it over and over again. I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you, but I’m also glad you are finding “Georgia” and won’t settle for anyone unless they find you truely amazing. Keep up the good work. I miss your quirkyness. Blessing to you.

    • Margie, thank you SO much!!!!<—can't put enough of those! I MISS YOU and your SASSINESS, and very obviously your one-liners! 🙂 Margie you are such a wonderful WONDERFUL woman, spirit and light of insight and for that, I thank you! Hope to be seeing you and your sassiness soon. 🙂 Life would be impossible without friends like you!!!

  2. Ick. A lot of this post spoke to me, after going through my own divorce, starting over, falling down, coming full circle- I guess I’m old enough to understand what our parents’ generation meant when they said, “That’s life.” Thanks for your writing-
    Check me out at theusualbliss.com sometime!

    • Thank you “the usual bliss” for stopping by and commenting! Your story sounds a lot like mine, its a lot of heart-ache but there are some great things that can come out of horrible situations. You are so right and so glad we could connect on this!!! Will check out your blog soon! 🙂

  3. … I’d have to say my ex… LEarned the most from him about life and myself. My wants and needs in a relationship esp. Even though he is ex, I can thank him for many positive changes in my life…
    Hmm… sounds like I’ve got a potential blog entry brewing here. Thanks for sharing this 🙂

    • It does sound like a potential blog entry! Can’t wait to read it! Even though our ex’s may frustrate us, we can thank them for teaching us things along the way which prepare us for our future significant other! Thank you so much for commenting and sharing! 😀

  4. I love this post. I am just starting my new blog here on wordpress and was browsing around when I came across your blog – which is wonderful. I too had a divorce, I had a 9 month relationship (well at least to me it was) and I have to say that person taught me a lot in 9 months – probably more, well almost than my ex did in 10 years of marriage. He taught me I am OK, I can flirt date, and it works! He taught me to love again, risk again, and he (sadly) taught me that I can survive a busted up heart again. Thank God for girlfriends and blogs!

  5. This is it. Sometimes I feel cheap for liking things that were on freshly pressed, but this is clearly deserving of all who appreciate and relate to it (but are all those who appreciate and relate deserving?). There’s not much I can say that hasn’t already been said- all I can say is that for the whole read I was thinking “Yep… uhuh…right on….mmmhm…yeah…absolutely…yep…” Thanks.

  6. good for you! Yes, quirkyisms are a good thing, especially when they are a natural facet of who we are, rather than an attempt to be… quirky and cool. Subtle. I’m glad you can appreciate your ex for all he was, even tho you are no longer together. It’s been so long since I’ve been in an actual relationship, I can’t imagine…

  7. Good post. I’m a divorcee too. I hate that my ex and I had to experience that, but I wouldn’t change a thing. That’s when I saw the strength in me that was there, but dormant. It also broke the impossible image of perfection that I had been trying to live up to for the sake of others. That “failure” was my liberation.

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