One day, my husband and I before we were married, were on a date in the park. We were sitting on the jungle gym when suddenly he noticed I was paying attention to our direct right. There was a group of young teenage boys talking about Batman and arguing over why he was the best or worst and what super powers other heroes had that could beat him.
My husband curiously asked, “What are you thinking about?”
I replied, “I’m just wondering if the friendships we form earlier in life, are the relationships that prepare us for marriage later in life.”
“That is a lot deeper than what I was expecting…”
On that note, it is something I’ve continued to ponder the almost 4 years we’ve been together and married. Often times I think back to my best friends who I met in high school and how they helped form and shape my ideas. What is cool, what isn’t cool, and why it is okay to not agree with them. Whether we realize it or not, often times it is those we associate with early in life that help form our personality. Often times I was the weirdo in our group of friends and everyone was okay with that. They knew better than to expect normalcy and complacency out of me. They helped me realize how a person should be respected. Which is why it puzzled them when I would date someone who didn’t, even later in life.
These friends are the ones you introduce to your college comrades. If they click, you know you’ve got a keeper for a new friend. They ultimately share the same values.
When my husband and I got married, we were originally introduced by a mutual best friend. We knew if we were in line with this person and her values the other must be pretty cool too. Needless to say the first date was a success and three months later we were married.
None of my friends from high school had met him yet, (except for one who invited us to her church), none of my extended family had met him, just our best friend from St. Louis and a few of my old co-workers he knew from checking out at our store. We had been married for quite some time when one of my college friends announced she was getting married. This meant another best friend and her husband coming to town for the wedding since she was going to be a bridesmaid.
She and her husband were the second set of friends to meet him. We had gone to the wedding, exhausted, she, her husband and I decided to go get coffee. My husband was going to be off work in a few minutes so I texted him where to meet us. She then pointed out, they had never met him. when you’re married for a while and a lothappens, you tend to lose track of who has met whom, especially when keeping up through facebook or text. That is when I realized none of my close friends outside of my St. Louis friend had known who he was either. When he arrived, he surprised me sneaking up behind me. They laughed, we all talked and had a great time. After he left, she said, “I really like him.” I knew she and her husband would, after all, they helped shape my idea of what an ideal partner should be like.
Do you think friendships help shape our ideals of marriage? Why or why not?