Diary of an angsty girl

As some of you may have noticed, I haven’t written in a while.  This is partially due to adjusting to a new job position, taking in two roommates temporarily at two different times, thyroid issues, and a major bout of depression from weaning off Bupropion while dealing with the thyroid issues.

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It seems like since 2015 I’ve been giving more of myself and concentrating on others rather than being selfish and doing things strictly just for me.  I love doing things for others, don’t get me wrong, but at some point it would be nice to refuel the tank so I can turn around and give more kindness and encouragement out to others.

Since the tank is empty, this has caused me to think outwardly outrageous things.  Here are a few examples.

“Just because I’m overly helpful is no reason for you to passively aggressively allude to having raging diarrhea. Asking where the Imodium is, isn’t enough to get me to leave you alone.”

“Why are you still wearing your high school jacket 22 years later?  Only The Beach Boys get to do that.”

“Coming in with your music blaring from a battered blue tooth speaker hanging from your belt loop isn’t a good idea.  Especially when curse words are involved.  This is a family establishment.  Also telling your significant other, ‘You sound white’…is like saying you’ve suddenly realized something you hadn’t noticed about them. I think he knows. Maybe turn off the music and communicate more.”

“Yes, I AM on my knees.  Why do you act surprised?  That’s the only way I can reach the shelf! #tallpeopleproblems” “I’m on my knees?  Noooooo, I thought I was a pirate without peg-legs!”  “Yes I’m on my knees.  You’re old.  I thought we were just making obvious statements.”

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Those are just things that happened at work.  Here are some things that happened at home.

“Whose underwear are these, and why are they out where the squirrels have access to them? Are the squirrels the cause of the person losing their underwear?”

“Why is there blood dripped on the sidewalk where we exit the steps?  Can’t they bludgeon each other indoors?”

“Why is there a guy shouting ‘Let me in!’ at 1 am?  If he wasn’t such a dog, maybe he wouldn’t have been let out with the other two. Guess that finally answers the question, ‘Who let the dogs out’.”

“Why are all the dogs barking suddenly while I’m trying to pray and meditate? (Dogs suddenly stop barking) My prayers worked!” (Cats starts rustling bags) “Dang it!”

This is only a small sampling, and yes, I get that they may not be all that bad.  However, for me they are.  Thank you for being patient with me while I’m working my way out of a 6 month funk. To family and friends who I’ve seen in this length of time, if I seem a bit stand-offish, it isn’t you, it genuinely is me.

What are some thoughts you have had that you wouldn’t normally say in your everyday life?  Were they due to depression or lack of sleep or both?

 

Knope to dope

When you live next to a drug user (dealer) there are several things which can happen to you as a neighbor. You can start to get anxious, paranoid and stir crazy. You start to wonder why you feel the way you do. You start thinking you’re a little bit nuts and maybe a bit of a hypochondriac.

leslie-knope-hurtsThen one day, a semi-familiar smell seeps into the well-sealed bathroom. That’s when it hits you; you’ve been inhaling foreign substances for months, making you this way.  This is why the scent is familiar but stronger. The odor had been constant, faint, much like background music in an elevator. Then one day it was like getting into an elevator and the sound was turned all the way up and you had no way out.

Donna 1In the few short seconds after waking up the first day of Spring Break, letting it sink in why we’ve been sleeping at odd intervals, we packed up the cats and left. We temporarily stayed with my parents while I detoxed, shook and waited for my innards to quit writhing while every ounce of the toxins worked their way out of my body.

50640-Parks-and-Recreation-Andy-Wipi-WhvnLiving next to a dealer can make you realize the life you were not meant for. Living next to a dealer can make you realize you deserve better. In essence, you need to be like Donna and Tom from Parks and Recreation and “Treat yo’ self”.

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In this entry, yes I am passively complaining about our neighbor, but I want to focus on the positive things about this.

Donna2It helped me realize my depression was manageable. I’ve since been getting help, and have been doing so without the use of medication but rather through meditation and prayer.

Because of this situation I no longer feel this way!

Because of this situation I no longer feel this way!

It helped us to realize how miserable we were in our poorly lit basement apartment.

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It made us get out of the apartment and search for something better.

It helped us to stand our ground.

lesliestickIt helped us to learn how to not be intimidated by someone forcing their issues onto you.

It made my husband and I realize how much we are loved by family and friends alike and how much they support us.

leslie-knope-textmeIt gave me clarity and helped me realize all our other problems in life were manageable.

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It made me get myself in gear to sell my student portfolio art on Etsy. (If you would like to peruse/purchase just click on this sentence!)

It helped me appreciate what I do for a living more so than before.

It made me realize how important teaching students respect, kindness and integrity are and how it affects everyone.

Integrity matters.

Integrity matters.

It made me appreciate my students more.

AnneIf you are ever having a problem or an issue, go in to any grade school classroom. Chances are those students will be happy to see you, and if they give you a hard time, they are teaching you how to live in the present and go with the flow. They taught me how to deal and “let it go”.

Dear readers, I apologize for not having been on here in a while. With this entry, surely you understand. Our trek to our jobs is a little longer now, but we are safer for it. Because of the treks, the day job, the night classes and everything in-between it makes it a little more challenging to write blog entries. Thank you for those of you who have stuck with me through thick and thin.

Leslie PrioritiesWhat neighbor problem have you had where you’ve learned something from the situation?

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